


Needless Suffering

by Tshilaba



Series: Calamity Cat Blair [1]
Category: Soul Eater
Genre: Toddlers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-22
Updated: 2014-03-22
Packaged: 2018-01-16 16:04:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1353445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tshilaba/pseuds/Tshilaba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maka Albarn wakes up one morning to her two best friends having become toddlers overnight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Needless Suffering

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

 

Maka yawned and turned off her alarm clock, sitting up and stretching like a cat. _Where is that cat?_ she thought absently when she realized Blair wasn't tormenting Soul or Crona, her two roommates and friends.

 

“Maka! Maka!”

 

“Maka-nee! Maka-nee!”

 

“Oomph!” The blonde groaned as she was barreled back into her pillows by two pint-sized cannon balls of...pure energy. “What the heck...” she mumbled, trying to desperately get her brain working and out of its unusual slowness. It was August 24th. A Thursday morning. She shouldn't be babysitting toddlers; she should be getting ready for school. And getting Soul and Crona up... The thought process died as she realized that the two toddlers sitting on her looked identical to her roommates: one with white bedhead and red eyes, the other with pink hair and blue eyes. “Soul? Crona?”

 

“Mornin'” they sang together.

 

“This is just too weird...”

 

Twenty minutes later, after fighting to get Crona off of her leg no less than fifteen times so that she could get dressed, having long forgotten to look for Blair, Maka left their apartment with Soul in her arms and Crona attached to her leg just above her ankle.

 

“Someone tell me what's going on here, or so help me--”

 

“You're not the only one,” Liz sighed as she walked up, her younger sister trailing behind her carrying a toddler who looked very much like Death the Kid on her hip. “Kid seems to be toddler-fied as well.”

 

“Black Star, please come back here!”

 

“Hahaha! Tsubaki-nee can't catch the great Black Star!” the toddler cried happily as he charged past the other girls.

 

Maka frowned darkly. “Maka Chop!” she cried, smacking a book flatly on the hyperactive toddler's head.

 

“T-thanks, Maka-chan,” the raven-haired teen said gratefully as she scooped up the now-dizzy toddler into her arms. “I've been chasing him around for the past hour,” she explained, slightly out of breath.

 

“Soul and Crona decided to tackle me about five seconds after my alarm went off and then I couldn't keep Crona off my leg for more than thirty seconds while I was trying to get dressed,” the pig-tailed blonde sighed. “Does anyone have any clue what's going on today?”

 

“Free! Oh, come on! Slow down! Please!”

 

All four girls turned around to see Eruka the Frog Witch chasing what looked to be a wolf cub up towards the academy.

 

The cub skidded to a halt and stood up on its hind paws, sniffing at the young Star Clan member in Tsubaki's arms before barking happily at him.

 

“Doggy!” Black Star cried, wriggling in his partner's arms only to frown when she tightened her grip on him.

 

The young witch came to a halt near the group, putting her hands on her knees and trying to catch her breath. “So it...wasn't just...Free...”

 

Maka gestured in frustration to the pink-haired toddler attached to her leg. “No. It's not. It's all the boys.”

 

“Well, on the bright side, at least you know Crona's male.”

 

“Not necessarily, Eruka.”

 

“...how can that not be a fact, Liz? It only affected boys.”

 

The older blonde shrugged.

 

“They're all two, right?”

 

Everyone whirled around to see Medusa walking up, a slightly amused smirk lingering around her lips.

 

“Yeah, Medusa, why?” Maka asked.

 

“I didn't successfully toilet train Crona until he was four. Good luck~” she replied happily.

 

“...I _hate_ you,” the pig-tailed blonde growled.

 

“Okay, anyway,” Liz spoke up. “How did this even _happen_? Suddenly all the boys in or around Death City are turned into toddlers?”

 

The snake witch shrugged. “I've no clue. But it's already proving to be quite humorous.”

 

“Well, in any case,” Eruka said, struggling to hold onto Free as he tried to scramble away, yapping his head off, “we need to find an adult here. Because if all the males were turned into toddlers...”

 

“STEIN!! COME BACK!”

 

They turned to see a small grey-haired boy charging up the steps to the academy with a blonde chasing after him.

 

The boy, surprisingly enough, attached himself to Medusa's leg and refused to let go.

 

The blonde witch stared down at him for a moment in confusion. “Stein...?”

 

He looked up at her blankly for a second or two and then his face broke into a smile. “I like you. You're not mean like Marie. Telling me not to dissect things...”

 

Marie sighed and shook her head. “I've already told you, Franken. It's not nice to dissect people without permission.”

 

“Don't call me that! I don't like that name...”

 

“Let me guess,” Medusa said. “He was trying to cut you open when you woke up.”

 

“Yes...”

 

The snake witch laughed. “Well, what more can you expect from one driven by a desire to know and a lust for learning?”

 

“You make it sound like it's something to be praised,” the blonde Death Scythe snapped. “How'd you like to wake up with a two year old trying to cut you open?”

 

“Pfft. I encourage curiosity and reward it.”

 

“Can you two stop arguing for two minutes?” Maka cried. “We have toddlers on our hands. Something of this magnitude had to be caused by magic.”

 

“Don't even look at me,” Medusa said flatly.

 

“Why the hell not?” the pig-tailed blonde shot back. “Magic can only be cast by witches or monsters. Obviously, Eruka wouldn't torment herself like this.”

 

The blonde witch rolled her eyes. “Whatever. I don't have to stand here and listen to this.” She started to walk off, only to remember that she had a toddler attached to her leg; she glanced down at him. “You want to come back to my lab for a few hours? I have quite the collection of books you can read. And I'm sure that there's a few small species soaking in formaldehyde that you could dissect if the urge struck you.”

 

“So you're just going to kidnap him?”

 

“Do you want to deal with him?”

 

“N-not particularly, no...”

 

“Alright then. Stein?”

 

Stein looked at the blonde weapon before looking up to the witch and then back to the weapon. “She's nice to me. She's gonna let me learn and dissect. Plus, she respects my wishes about what to call me. I'm gonna go with her.”

 

Maka watched as the two walked off. “Today is so fucked up...”

 

“Well... I suppose she can't exactly hurt him...” Marie said absently. “We should probably find Naigus, girls. If anything, she can help us figure out where to start with figuring out what's going on.”

 

~--~

Naigus sighed heavily; she was grateful that Sid was a very calm, quiet toddler, zombie or no. It made him easier to deal with than most of the toddlers sitting around the library playing with each other. _At least none of them have figured out how to unlock the doors_ , she thought. “So, let's go over everyone's morning and the previous night and see if we can find some sort of connection between everything. Maka, you start.”

 

“Well, last night, I shared dinner with Soul, Crona and Blair like always, and then we went to bed around 10:30. It was, really, just a normal night for us. But after my alarm went off this morning, I got this,” she said, motioning to the pink-haired toddler clinging to her chest.

 

“Same here,” Liz said. “We went to bed at eight, and then when we got up and went to Kid's room to see if he was ready, there was a toddler that looked just like him sitting on his bed.”

 

“Yeah,” Patty added. “And he just looked at us and said he couldn't get out of bed coz it was too high.”

 

“I got peed on this morning,” Eruka said tiredly. “Five A.M. He peed on my stomach and then barked happily at me before charging out of my room. I barely had time to change clothes, even with magic, and chase after him.”

 

“Marie?”

 

“I woke up to Stein trying to cut me open. And then he told me I was mean when I said that it wasn't nice to dissect people without permission.”

 

“And obviously doesn't like you to call him “Franken”,” Maka pointed out.

 

“Yeah, that too.”

 

“Wait, where _is_ Stein?” Naigus said, looking around the library.

 

“With Medusa.”

 

“You...let him go with the snake witch?”

 

The blonde shrugged. “He wanted to go with her to her lab; she promised him books and animals to dissect. It's easier than dealing with a pissy two year old...”

 

“Miz Marie said a bad word...”

 

The pig-tailed blonde put a hand over Crona's mouth quickly. “Shh,” she shushed. “He's been doing this all morning, I swear.”

 

“Anyway...” The raven-haired woman trailed off as Maka shuddered suddenly. “Maka?”

 

“...he just peed on me...”

 

“I told you he wasn't toilet trained.”

 

“Medusa, what are you doing here?”

 

The blonde witch shrugged. “Stein said there was a book here he wanted to show me, so I brought him back.”

 

The grey-haired boy came running back up to her. “Here it is, Medusa!” he said, handing her a tome he could barely lift on his own.

 

“...Is it just me, or are we missing a toddler or two?” Marie asked.

 

“Lord Death is in the Death Room. I checked in on him just a short while ago.”

 

“What about Spirit?”

 

Naigus shrugged.

 

“Don't look at me,” Medusa said, her nose already in the book as she floated a little above the floor with her tail snake. “The only toddler I've seen between the last time you saw me and now is Stein. I accepted that responsibility when I took him to my lab. The rest are completely your responsibilities.”

 

“Shouldn't he have been under the supervision of a Death Scythe?” Eruka asked. “If he wasn't in the Death Room with Death, then a Death Scythe would have been watching him like Marie was with Stein, right?”

 

“Marie-sensei?” Tsubaki said. “Wasn't it Azusa-san's turn to keep an eye on Maka's dad?”

 

“Yeah...yeah, it was...”

 

“SPIRIT! COME BACK HERE! STOP RIGHT NOW!!”

 

The doors to the library slammed open as a red head charged into the room, bowling over the grey-headed boy sitting next to the blonde witch, her tail snake barely avoiding the impact as she continued to read undisturbed.

 

“Spirit-sempai, get off of me...please...” Stein said, pushing at the larger boy.

 

“Yeah, sure...”

 

“Well, now we know where Papa is now...”

 

“Maka-nee...”

 

“Not again...” she sighed.

 

“What?” Marie asked.

 

“He's done this all morning. If I wasn't giving him attention even while he was attached to me, he'd just keep saying my name until I gave him attention. Medusa, don't you have any sleeping spells?”

 

“Not my problem, Maka~” Medusa replied, her eyes never leaving the book.

 

“But he's YOUR child!”

 

“And I'm not the one he's chosen to attach himself to. So have fun~”

 

“I _hate_ you, y'know that?”

 

“Hate me all you want, I'm not giving you any spells.”

 

“Come on, Medusa,” Eruka protested. “She is trying to deal with Soul as well...”

 

“Eruka, darling, do you really think I took the _easy_ way out raising him?”

 

“...you mean, you raised him like a human mother would have?”

 

“Of course. Magic is a cheap excuse. And I needed his trust.”

 

“But I don't need his trust! I already have his trust!”

 

“Maka, darling, do you hear yourself? He's barely been attached to you three hours and you're already breaking down.” She glanced up with an unreadable look. “I put up with this for six years.”

 

“You're a real bitch...”

 

“No, that's my sisters. Oh, by the way... If my calculations are correct, then any trauma they receive while they're toddlers will negatively affect their well-being when they've returned to normal.”

 

“I swear to God...if I find out you did this--”

 

“Why would I use a spell to turn approximately half of the DWMA into toddlers simply to torment the people that hate me? Oh, wait.” She laughed. “That _is_ something I would do. But, in this case, I'm innocent.”

 

“Crona-chan--”

 

Medusa frowned darkly. “Do _not_ send him over here wet.”

 

Maka, in response, stuck her tongue out. “I'll be back in a little while then. Liz, can you keep an eye on Soul for me?”

 

“Yeah, sure.”

 

The blonde witch watched as the girl left the room. She glanced down when Stein tugged on the leg of her pants.

 

“Can I dissect that cat now?”

 

“Fine, fine,” she said, putting her feet firmly on the floor and retracting the tail snake. “Take my hand.”

 

“Medusa--”

 

“Naigus, was it?” the witch asked. When the woman nodded, she continued. “I'm not going to damage him. Or kidnap him, for that matter. I had enough of children raising my own. And isn't it easier for you to deal with one less toddler while you try to figure out how to fix this?”

 

“Why on earth are you helping us?”

 

Medusa shrugged. “I haven't laughed this much in centuries. I really should thank whoever caused this.” She took Stein's hand and left the library.

 

~--~

 

Maka sighed, leaning back against the bean bag chair she'd dragged over to where the rest of her friends were gathered, as Crona crawled out of her lap yet again to wander across the room for something. _The sixteenth time just this hour..._

 

Medusa, perched on her tail snake as usual, watched as Eruka chased Free around trying to put a diaper  on him to reduce the amount of damage he did to the floors. “Oh, Maka, darling, there is something you'll be grateful to hear.”

 

“What. What could I _possibly_ be grateful to hear from _you_?”

 

“I didn't replace Crona's blood with the black blood until he was four. So you don't have to deal with Ragnarok.”

 

“Why do I feel like you're lying...”

 

“I replaced his blood after I toilet trained him. So, if he can't control his bladder or bowels properly, then he doesn't have the black blood.”

 

“And why should I believe you?”

 

“Maka-nee...” The toddler tugged on the girl's sleeve.

 

“What Crona? What's wrong?”

 

“I had an accident...”

 

“What did I say?”

 

“Well... I guess you'd have no reason to lie if it meant more humor for you...”

 

“Maka, darling, unless you want to keep bathing Crona, I'd advise fitting him for diapers,” the snake witch chuckled.

 

“...fuck you, witch...”

 

“Maka-nee said a bad word...”

 

“Sorry, sorry, Crona-chan. I'm just a bit flustered is all.”

 

Medusa snorted. “Some genius you are, if your vocabulary falters when your composure slips.”

 

“Shut up!” Maka bristled. “At least I don't snort.”

 

“Great comeback, love. Truly magnificent.”

 

“You just wait until I'm done cleaning Crona up...”

 

“I'll be right here. Oh, well, unless I go to my lab again. But I probably won't be for a few hours. So, yes. I'll be right here.”

 

“Oh shut up...

 

The snake witch smirked as the meister walked off. “It's so much fun to get under her skin~ But sometimes, she truly makes it too easy.”

 

“Medusa, could-- Could you help me with this?” Eruka gasped as she slid across the floor, barely missing tackling Free.

 

The older witch sighed, shaking her head in disappointment before flicking her wrist out and crooking a finger, causing a vector arrow to shoot out and scoop up the wolf cub before pulling him back and plopping him into the younger witch's arms. “You should get a leash for him,” she said boredly.

 

The light-blue haired witch sighed and nodded, forcing the wriggling wolf into the diaper. “On the bright side, at least the lack of opposable thumbs should make it a tad bit more difficult for him to get out of that,” she said as she set Free down on the floor again.

 

Medusa's face remained impassive as she watched the pup scamper a few feet away before scratching his ear and then spinning around and gnawing through the side of the diaper. “One thing to learn with toddlers, darling,” she said. “Never believe that they won't find a way to undermine anything and everything you do.”

 

“Noted,” the frog witch sighed, slumping into a nearby chair.

 

“Well, it looks like the only ones who weren't toilet trained or house broken by this age are Crona and Free,” Liz mused, handing Kid another book to read to alleviate his boredom.

 

The snake witch shrugged dismissively. “It was easier to keep him in diapers than it was to keep him on the toilet for hours on end. Otherwise, if I left him unsupervised, he'd run off to the other end of the house and then come up to me later sniffling about how he'd had an accident. It didn't click for him until he was four, so I didn't force him before then.”

 

“Anything else you neglected to tell me?” Maka said angrily.

 

“Hm?” Medusa tilted her head to the side as she looked the blonde meister over. “Whatever do you mean, darling?”

 

“Maybe when you weaned Crona? Because he just told me he was hungry and then tried to pull my bra out of the way.”

 

The snake witch chuckled quietly behind her hand.

 

“Medusa...”

 

“I didn't wean Crona until he was six, dearie. It increases IQ. Something your mother obviously didn't care about, as yours is pitifully low in comparison.”

 

“Why you--”

 

The older blonde smirked. “The truth hurts, doesn't it?”

 

“If your kid wasn't attached to my leg, I swear to God--”

 

“Oh, now we're swearing? Tsk, tsk.”

 

“What do you care, you damn witch? I thought it was your job to blaspheme the gods!”

 

“Hmm... “Damn witch”. Why does that phrase sound familiar...”

 

“I said it once, Mama.”

 

“Oh, yes. That's right. You'd been reading the bible and you called me a “damn witch”. And how did I reprimand you for such foul language?”

 

“You washed my mouth out with liquid soap!”

 

“Right you are, darling.”

 

“Maka-nee has a foul mouth...”

 

“Crona-chan, please stop.”

 

Medusa just shook her head, chuckling. It was too much fun to torture her.

 

~--~

 

Maka sighed. In hindsight, she was, truthfully, glad she'd followed Medusa's advice and gotten diapers for Crona. In the past five hours alone, she'd changed his wet diapers no less than nine times. And she still had to get them both in bed.

 

Soul had kept to himself most of the day, playing on a small toy piano. Feeding him had been easy; he'd never been a picky eater, apparently.

 

Crona, on the other hand, still refused to eat whatever she suggested.

 

“How did Medusa not kill you?” the blonde sighed in exasperation, causing the white-headed toddler to giggle.

 

The pink-haired toddler shrugged. “Mama loves me, even if she's bad at showing it.”

 

“I suppose so... Would you like some spaghetti?”

 

“Pasta? Sure!”

 

_Finally..._

 

Twenty minutes later, after she'd had to cut the noodles up so small that she'd had to feed him with a spoon to keep it from dripping everywhere, she'd managed to fight both Soul and Crona into the bubble bath along with her.

 

_I cannot believe I'm doing this. I swear, if Medusa did this I'm going to-- Wait... I thought Medusa had a crush on Stein? Well, I guess she--_

 

She jumped as she felt a tiny hand on her breast; Crona was sitting at the other end of the tub, playing with the bubbles. That left... “Soul....”

 

“Wha's this?” the toddler said.

 

“Don't even. If you remember who I am, you know exactly what that is. Let go.”

 

Soul pouted and crossed his arms over his chest. “Maka's no fun.”

 

“I gave you a bubble bath, didn't I?” _And besides, how would that even be fun for toddlers? Crona's too innocent; Medusa wouldn't push that on Stein, I don't think._

 

She scrubbed both toddlers clean before drying them off. Setting Soul down on the towel, she pulled the diaper onto Crona before helping him pull his night clothes on.  _I'm kind of glad we've had $600 to work with each week. If we'd had to rely on just mine this week, we'd be screwed financially. Baby stuff is expensive..._

 

“Maka-nee...”

 

“What is it, Crona?”

 

“Um...well...”

 

Maka sighed and scooped him up into her arms. “What is it, Crona-chan?”

 

“I don't wanna sleep alone...”

 

_Well, I've already taken a bubble bath with him. I guess sleeping in the same bed won't hurt. And I don't want to risk Medusa being right about trauma affecting them once they're back to normal..._

 

“Hey! If Crona gets to sleep with you, then I wanna sleep with you!” Soul cried, tugging on her free hand.

 

“Fine! Fine!” the blonde sighed. “You can both sleep with me. Just no fighting with each other, or I'm putting you both in your own beds.”

 

“Okay...”

 

She set Crona down on the bed and then got into it herself, Soul burrowing up against her side, before pulling the covers over them and reaching over to turn off her lamp.

 

“Wait!” Crona cried, grabbing her arm.

 

“...Let me guess. You're afraid of the dark.”

 

“Uh-huh...I don't know how to deal with it...”

 

Soul rolled his eyes. “There's nothin' ta be afraid of! It's just an absinence of light. Tha's all.”

 

“That's “absence”, Soul,” Maka said.

 

“Tha's wha' I said!”

 

She rolled her eyes. “Fine. But I can't sleep with a light on. So you'll have to make your choice: either you sleep with me, or you sleep in your own bed with a light on. But you can't have both.”

 

“But—but--” The pink-haired toddler let out a sob and buried his face into Maka's chest, squalling.

 

The blonde sighed. _Why me...._ “How did Medusa handle it?”

 

“M-mama...would always...stay with me until I fell asleep...” Crona said, sniffling.

 

“And what if you woke up?”

 

“Then sh-she'd come in and sit with me again...”

 

_Wow. I guess nurturing really did come easy to the woman. Or maybe she just didn't ever like to deal with tears and snot..._ “Alright then. Soul, go to sleep in your bed.”

 

“But--”

 

“I'm only going to sit with Crona until he falls asleep; then I'm coming back to _my_ bed to sleep _alone_.”

 

“Okay..."

 

She pushed Soul gently out of the room before lifting Crona into her arms and walking to his room, settling him down under the covers before sitting down next to him, leaning back against the pillow.

 

The toddler curled up against her side, nuzzling into her shirt with a soft sigh.

 

Maka couldn't help but roll her eyes. _I'm still not sure how Medusa didn't kill him, really. She's like a damn cactus, for fuck's sake. And he's just...all...cuddly. Like a freaking bunny... That'd make a good Halloween costume..._

 

After about twenty minutes, Crona finally drifted off to sleep and the blonde carefully wormed her way from his grip.

 

_Shame Blair's not around. She'd give him something to cuddle with while he sleeps; Soul and I don't have any teddy bears or anything. I guess I could make or buy him a bunny..._ She frowned. Where _was_ that cat, anyway? She shrugged, too tired to worry about it, before turning off the overhead light and shutting the door quietly behind herself.

 

~--~

 

Medusa sighed softly as she set her pen down, stifling a wide yawn. _It's three in the morning. I should have made sure Stein was asleep hours ago; but he's not as intrusive as Crona._ She stood up, stretching her muscles slightly from their tightened positions, and strode out of the room. _Where is that child?_ she thought as she checked each room of her lab. Finally, she found the grey-headed boy, curled up in a winged arm chair in the library, a large encyclopedic tome in his lap, head resting against the arm of the chair. She smiled softly. It'd be a shame to disturb him, she thought, and likely hard for him to fall back asleep at this hour. Lifting the book out of his lap, she pulled the ribbon in between the pages to mark the page and set it on the nearby table. She turned at the sound of slithering.

 

Her pet had brought a blanket to her.

 

“Thank you,” she replied quietly, taking the blanket and adjusting it over the small child, tucking it around him gently. _That is a very comfortable chair..._ “Come,” she said to the serpent. “We should get to bed as well.”

 

~--~

 

Elsewhere, Eruka was just drifting off after being awoken by Free for the fifth time that night, only to be woken again as the pup tackled her in the stomach again. She whimpered quietly. “Free...please go to sleep. It's 3 A.M.”

 

“Eruka!”

 

She blinked. She couldn't have possibly heard that right; he couldn't be talking like a human. He just couldn't.

 

“Eruka,” he whined. “You keep complainin' coz I tinkle everywhere!”

 

“Well...yeah...coz it makes messes...that I have to clean up...” she said sleepily.

 

“I can feel it a little...”

 

“You can feel what?” She suddenly felt warm liquid dripping onto her stomach and had to suppress a groan.

 

“...that.”

 

_Next time, I need to listen the first time he says my name..._

 

~--~

 

Three months later, the only woman who was not physically exhausted and nearly convinced that if they never saw another toddler in their life that it would be too soon was a certain blonde snake witch.

 

“And you thought he would be difficult,” Medusa laughed, playfully flicking a vector arrow through Marie's hair. “Stein's been an absolute dream to deal with.”

 

The blonde weapon just frowned and looked away. Not long after the whole issue arose, her old flame, Joe, had somehow found his way to her. And since everyone else had at least one toddler to deal with, save for Liz and Patty who shared the responsibilities of taking care of Kid, Marie was left to take care of him herself. In short, she was grateful he was toilet trained and not a picky eater, but despised the fact that he was nearly as high energy, and maintenance, as Black Star.

 

“What about you, Maka, darling?” the snake witch persisted. “How have you been holding up?”

 

“I took your advice on the diapers, and he sleeps in his room with a night light without needing me to sit with him unless he has a nightmare,” the pig-tailed blonde explained. “So I'd say I've been holding up quite well. But I still hate you.”

 

Medusa rolled her eyes, smirking slightly. _If you only knew..._ “Eruka?”

 

“Thankfully, he's learned how to control his bladder and bowels, at least a little,” the frog witch replied. “Only when he's awake, however. So long as I keep him in a diaper at night, there're very little accidents.”

 

“Well, everyone seems to be enjoying themselves,” the blonde witch chuckled.

 

Maka twitched slightly. “How the hell are we enjoying ourselves?”

 

“The toddlers don't seem to be becoming traumatized and are progressing quite well,” Medusa explained.

 

The pig-tailed blonde opened her mouth to say something, but stopped as Crona toddled over to her and tugged gently on her sleeve. She glanced down at him. “Something wrong?”

 

“Maka-nee...I feel kinda funny...”

 

“Funny? How so?”

 

“Dunno. Jus' feel funny...kinda like 'm gonna be sick...”

 

The blonde witch frowned slightly. “That's...odd...”

 

“What happened to Miss 'All-knowing'?”

 

“Maka, darling, the term is “omniscient”; but that's beside the point. The magical flux should have been fixed now; instead, it seems to be worsening.”

 

“It's always darkest just before the dawn?” the pig-tailed blonde replied. “Wait, what about a magical flux? You _knew_?”

 

“Knew?” Medusa laughed. “I've known since the very beginning. Or, at least, an hour after I found out what had happened.”

 

Maka snatched the older woman up by the front of her outfit. “What the hell! You knew! So you knew how to fix it as well!”

 

“Of course,” the snake witch said, laughter still dancing in her eyes. “The little kitten that lives with you had a flux in her power and that flux transformed all of the males into two year old toddlers. I could have stabilized it with my own magic, but...”

 

“You WHAT?!” the younger blonde screeched. “YOU KNEW AND YOU DIDN'T FIX IT?!”

 

Medusa winced at the volume, her expression turning stormy. “You needn't shout, _little girl_ ,” she said flatly. “Think of it this way. Crona, with all his insecurities, would have never had the self-confidence to admit his feelings to you in a normal situation. And, given that he lacks the brashness to make a physical exhibition like Soul, he would need some way to lessen his inhibitions. Toddlers lack inhibition; they will do things, even if the action may be frightening or dangerous, solely for the experience of doing them.”

 

Maka deflated a little. “Perhaps, but--”

 

“And Marie would have never come to terms with the fact that she is not emotionally capable of taking care of children at this point in time.”

 

“She's right,” Marie said. “It took all I had not to have a break down these past few months. If I can't handle three months, I certainly can't handle them for five to seven years.”

 

“That still doesn't answer my question! How does your son peeing on me solve _anything_?”

 

“Normal illnesses are nowhere near invasive enough to show one how much they truly love someone.”

 

“I suppose, but...”

 

“Truthfully, I would have never managed to get as close to Stein if I couldn't appeal to his child-like heart without his inhibitions keeping him from accepting it.”

 

“Ah-ha! Wait... Since when did you appeal to Stein's heart?”

 

A small smirk played around the older blonde's lips. “I've had Stein wrapped around my little finger for the past month. I suppose, one could say, that I made more progress than any of you, but that may come across as prideful and boasting. But I won't deny that I've been dying to have him revert to his proper age so I don't have to hold myself back because of his physical age.”

 

The pig-tailed blonde's mouth opened and closed for a few moments as if she was struggling to find the words to say. Finally, she settled on “You really aren't that bad after all, huh?”

 

The snake witch snorted. “That's still up for debate, I'm afraid.”

 

“But you were trying to help us,” Eruka said slowly. “You could have fixed it once you had Stein, but you didn't. You waited until the rest of us had made progress with...well...our significant others...”

 

Medusa shrugged.

 

Maka let go of the witch's clothing. “I'm...sorry...”

 

“What for?” the blonde witch said flatly. “You're still dealing with toddlers, and--” She lost the trail of her sentence as she glanced at her son. Tilting her head in confusion, she said “Darling, are you okay?”

 

“N-not really...” Crona mumbled, before darting from the room, no doubt running for the restrooms.

 

“Let him be,” Medusa said gently as the pig-tailed meister made to go after him. “Blair's magic is stabilizing; it's likely to cause physical illness. He'll be fine once her magic is completely stabilized. It won't take long.”

 

“What about the others?” Eruka asked. “A lot of the boys are with Tsubaki, Liz and Patty at the basketball court.”

 

“Hm, there will likely be nausea, vomiting, and possibly diarrhea as the magic normalizes. The boys will no doubt end up in the restroom to deal with the physical symptoms.”

 

“But how long will it take?” Maka asked worriedly.

 

The snake witch shrugged. “Five minutes or five hours. Even I can't be sure. Though, it seems that the oldest youngsters were affected first, as Crona is one of the first to be affected by the stabilization.”

 

“Oh...” The pig-tailed blonde sighed softly.

 

“Something wrong, darling?”

 

“I...sorta got used to dealing with Soul and Crona as toddlers.”

 

“But it will be far easier when they're fully independent, right?”

 

“Well...”

 

Medusa pushed the girl's chin up with a gentle finger. “You're worried that, as teenagers once more, you won't be able to keep them happy.”

 

“Yeah...”

 

A small, gentle smile spread across the woman's face as she squeezed the girl's shoulders gently. “Take it from me, darling. If a man truly loves you, anything you do will keep them happy.”

 

Maka laughed softly. “You do have over eight centuries of experience, after all.”

 

“That I do.”

 

~--~

 

Maka sighed as she crawled into her own bed six hours later. Finally, the entire fiasco was over.

 

Blair was back to being her normal obnoxious self; she was currently trying to catch up on her three month absence at The Chupacabra by working a late night. Soul had passed out in his room and Crona was taking a shower.

 

She heard the water cut off and closed her eyes. Everything would be completely back to normal tomorrow morning. She couldn't help but wonder how the rest of her friends were dealing with their new relationships. _I wonder how Tsubaki's doing. And Ms. Marie. And, I guess, in a weird way, I'm curious about Medusa too..._

 

“Maka? Are you awake?”

 

“Hm?” She opened her eyes, sitting up a little. “Yeah, what is it, Crona?”

 

“Well... I was wondering if...maybe...” He was fidgeting and blushing lightly.

 

_I'm gonna have to get a bigger bed soon. Very soon_ , the blonde thought. She scooted closer to the wall and patted the sheets in front of her. “Of course. Come on, lay down.”

 

He smiled in relief and crawled into bed beside her.

 

Maka smiled and laced the fingers of their right hands together, squeezing gently. “Good night, Crona. Sleep well.”  


“You too, Maka, good night.”

 

~--~

 

Azusa sighed and took her glasses off, setting them on the end table as she pinched the bridge of her nose lightly before rubbing her eyes. _Me, in love with Spirit. And him...in love with me? With Marie, it makes sense. She always loved Joe. And Naigus and Sid were always the perfect couple. Most meister and weapon pairs fall in love eventually. But for me...to love someone as immature as Spirit Albarn? I just don't see how the hell that's possible..._

 

“Hey, Azusa?” Spirit stuck his head inside the living room. “Can I talk to you?”

 

“Sure.”

 

He sat down on the edge of the couch, on the far end, away from her. “Well, I've been thinking...”

 

“You as well?”

 

“Yeah. I was thinking about what Medusa said, and whether it was true or not. And, I was going to ask--”

 

“Spirit, I don't give a damn what that witch said. I'm not in love with you, and I'm not having sex with you.”

 

“No, no,” he chuckled. “You misunderstand me. You see, I talked with Marie, and we think that, maybe, the flux didn't solely affect those that were romantically in love with each other.”

 

The raven-haired woman tilted her head in confusion. “What do you mean?”

 

“Take Elizabeth and Patricia Thompson and Death the Kid for example. They treat each other like siblings.”

 

“That doesn't mean they can't fall in love, Spirit.”

 

“I get that. But, I was just thinking that, maybe, well... I was going to ask if I could call you Yumi instead of just Azusa all the time...”

 

Azusa swallowed hard. Not even Marie called her by her first name. “S-sure, I guess...”

 

“Alright then. Thank you.”

 

“No problem...”

 

~--~

 

Eruka smiled softly as she scratched Free gently behind the ears as he lay his head in her lap. She'd always felt unusually close to him before. Now she had an explanation for it. _Funny how a frog will fall in love with a wolf_ , she thought, _but then, a snake fell in love with a lab rat too. So I guess nothing's really impossible._ “Hey, Free?”

 

“Hm?” The wolf cracked open an eye to look up at her.

 

“Are you hungry?”

 

“A little. You?”

 

“I'm a little hungry too. Let's fix dinner then.”

 

“Alright.”

 

~--~

 

Medusa yawned quietly. Stein's lab was so much smaller than her own. But he'd asked her to come there, at least for the night. And she couldn't deny that she was curious about what he might have in mind.

 

“You know,” his voice drifted into the room through the open doorway. “I really should punish you. You put my students and colleagues through so much needless suffering.”

 

“Are you quite sure it was as needless as you say?” she returned evenly. “After all, all parties learned a few valuable lessons and grew significantly closer to their loved ones.”

 

“All?” She heard the clattering pause and felt her own lips curl up into serpentine smile. “What do you mean 'all'?”

 

“Maka learned how to balance her own needs and wants with Soul's and Crona's. Eruka learned how deal with Free's lupine nature. Marie grew closer to Joe, and learned that she wasn't ready for children. Even Azusa learned that she was quite close to Spirit; an nontraditional relationship, true. But Crona and Maka are both meisters, so two weapons falling in love isn't much different if one thinks about it,” she explained.

 

The grey-haired doctor walked out of the room, leaning close to her before saying “And what of you? What did you learn, Medusa Gorgon?”

 

_Is he treating me like one of his students now?_ She had to restrain her laughter as she said “Not all men are inferior to women.”

 

“Oh?” One of his eyebrows quirked a bit in curiosity. “But wouldn't you have known that before now?”

 

She laughed then, before trailing a finger down his arm, smirking when he didn't pull away. “I did, when I got to know you.” She leaned her elbow on the arm of the couch, resting her cheek against the palm of her hand, serpentine smile still on her face. “But tell me, Franken Stein, what did _you_ learn? Shall we start with “not all witches are bad”? Or is there a far more personal lesson this experience taught you?”

 

“Medusa...” He leaned closer, resting his hands on the cushion on both sides of her hips. “When I met you, something I'd never known before stirred within me. It was curiosity, yes. I wanted to know you. But at the same time, there was something more than that...”

 

“Lust...and love,” the blonde said quietly, watching the doctor's eyes carefully. She'd felt those feelings too. The lust she'd understood, but the love was quite unusual.

 

“Yes,” he replied. He took a breath before continuing. “Either one would have been wrong. I knew it deep inside me. You were a witch. I could never have a relationship with you, even a solely sexual one. But even deeper down, I still _wanted_ it. Because I knew you would accept me completely. Not in the way Marie does, but in the way I _needed_ acceptance. The way that would undo all the years that I was under Lord Death's...”

 

“Control, darling,” the witch breathed. “You were under his control by your own volition.”

 

“Yes,” Stein admitted. “I was. Because I thought that's what I was supposed to do. But it cut me off from the world. I thought I didn't mind, but...”

 

“I spent over eight centuries in the false belief that I not only didn't mind the seclusion, but that I relished it. We were both wrong, weren't we, love?”

 

“Yes, we were,” he said. He wasn't looking at her now. Instead, he seemed to be trying to find the words to say what he needed to. “But these past three months... No, when I was first transformed into a toddler, I realized how desperately I'd been lying to myself. Telling myself “Marie is the woman for you. It's the perfect match. She's a weapon that can calm the madness within you.” But, no matter how much time I spent around her, the madness always came back.”

 

“You can't erase it, darling,” Medusa murmured. “It will always be there. It's as constant as your heartbeat; it's a part of you.”

 

“I realize that now,” Stein replied, sighing quietly. “Spirit and Marie could never understand that. But you...you...” Here, he looked up into her eyes for a moment before dropping his eyes briefly to her lips and then quickly looking back up into her golden eyes. “You understand all of that...You understand _me_...”

 

Unable to restrain herself any longer, the witch closed the distance between them, pressing her lips firmly against his.

 

His hands gripped her hips as he forced her back against the couch, kissing her hungrily.

 

She wrapped her arms around his neck, fingers tangling in his hair and tugging lightly, as she guided his lips open with her tongue and _finally_ tasted him. _He's never done this before..._

 

Stein pulled away, panting slightly. “Medusa, I...”

 

“It's okay, Stein,” she murmured, kissing him softly on the lips. “We can move as slow as you like. And you can explore any and everything you like.”

 

“I want to know what it feels like.”

 

“Hm?”

 

“I want to know what it feels like for someone to touch me...”

 

“I'm touching you now, Stein. And we were just kissing.”

 

“Not that...”

 

“Ah. You mean fellatio? Or just stroking?” she said.

 

“Maybe both, eventually.”

 

Medusa chuckled softly as she untangled her right hand from his hair, trailing it down his chest to slip inside his pants, stroking him lightly with her fingertips.

 

He moaned quietly and thrust his hips a little, trying to get even a fraction of extra contact.

 

The blonde smirked, retracting her hand slowly, eliciting a whine from the man above her. “You know, we shouldn't move so fast.”

 

“Fuck that,” Stein growled, hands moving up her sides, almost as if he was searching for a fastener of some sort.

 

“Baby, baby, baby,” she chuckled softly. “You're not going to find any fasteners on my sides or my back; it's all one piece. Besides, I have to show you how this goes...”

 

He grabbed her wrists and hauled her into his bedroom.

 

~--~


End file.
